Boots and Her Funny Legs

This is the story of how I deformed my puppy.

Hang on, it was an accident!

...an accident that she uses to her advantage to this very day.

So, it all starts out with me breaking up with my high school boyfriend.

"What?" you say.

Yes. It starts out with me breaking up with my high school boyfriend.

Though many people say this about their exs, my ex -boyfriend was not a very nice person.

My friends saw it, my parents saw it, but I was madly "in love". For this reason (i.e. "love"), I was planning to move with him to Ontario (which is far from where my family lives). My father, who knew how to speak my language, didn't try to convince me to stay in the conventional ways.

One day, he planted the idea.

He said: "You know, if you stayed, we could probably get another dog."

Two months later, I broke up with my boyfriend.

...and, I got a puppy for my birthday:

You know how people describe looking at their children for the first time? That is how I describe meeting Boots.

Boots and I were inseparable. She was an adorable puppy.
We slept together, cuddled together, and I fed her things from the table--you know, bro stuff.

...then three days later I fell down the stairs--and onto Boots.

It was the most heartbreaking feeling in my life. I fell on my puppy. I fell on her! FELL!

After sobbing for hours, and having my dad yell at me for being careless (I mean, rightfully so, I FELL ON MY PUPPY), Boots seemed to be okay albeit a little apprehensive about hanging out with me.

However, she then developed this weird "droopy" leg thing.

The vet said that she was okay... but when she sits down, her legs slowly slip out from underneath her.

It wasn't long before she started to notice that I would become guilt-ridden when I saw her "droopy" legs.

...and she started to use it to get food:

You can see how this method works for her...

The problem is, I give in. My parents give in. My boyfriend (the one I've been with for 3 years, not the one that I abandoned for a puppy) gives in. Strangers give in.

It just baffles me how she has been able to learn how to sell her body like that. It makes me think of her as some type of non-sexual sex worker who trades a little leg for table scraps.

Well, she's right. 

And so, that's the story of how Boots got her funny legs... and became a marketing genius.